I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
