Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
