matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
