Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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