You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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