i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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