please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A bitchslap is in order.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
