note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
