I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
