did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
