i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
