We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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