love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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