no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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