My room smells like vodka and shame
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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