i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
