I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
