dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
