ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
