Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
