I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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