Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
