I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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