hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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