normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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