PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
