He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
