good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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