I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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