i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
