I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
