If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
