So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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