ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
