I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize