When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
