Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
