Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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