Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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