I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
