i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
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well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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