you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.