so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
