Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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