Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
