I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
