This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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