Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
