you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
