it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
