I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
