Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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