Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
