Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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