ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
