She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
