yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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