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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
