I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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