dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
