i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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