i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
