I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
