Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
