shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
