I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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