can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
