just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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