apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize