Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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